Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
