If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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