Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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