I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
