what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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