If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
