i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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