my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
