remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
