i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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