wake up i wanna do it froggy style
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
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