not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
