the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
