Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
