If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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