Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
