why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
