I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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