Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Cover your peen. We're going out.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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