I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
