Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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