i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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