I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I want to make a zoo with you.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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