Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
