turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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