I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
