i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
