Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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