i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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