at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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