I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
