Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
