i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
