I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
