We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
My cat gives me a boner
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
