what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Randomize
