people are starting to question the shark bite story
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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