just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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