Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
