i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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