(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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