I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
