I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
