i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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