nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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