im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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