You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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