glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
