Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
she peed on how many people?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
