Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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