Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
