So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
