Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
love makes seman taste better
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
