Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
