I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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