I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
