Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
