im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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